Friday, March 02, 2007

Liverpool v Manchester - Old School Rules

Some dullards in sheepskin coats will have you think that it is a mere football match that will be played out at Anfield tomorrow lunchtime. Nonsense. It is, of course, a battle of cultures for the ages, like Rome and Carthage, Islam and Christendom, Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan.
Manchester and Liverpool stare each other out at either end of the M62, and, at least twice a year, send their respective major football teams into enemy territory to pillage and plunder.But although Manchester United hold the upper hand currently, there is little to separate the clubs football-wise, with Liverpool's greater history holding their end up against United's more contemporary dominance.
Which is better? To divide the two empires, I declare a pop-culture-off! You decide....
Liverpool is great because of....
The Beatles
Bread
The Grand National
Militant Dockers
The La's
Lisa Tarbuck
That weather island that used to be on Richard and Judy on ITV
John Peel
John Lennon's Working Class Hero
The Kop
Being dead witty
Being dead musical
Calling an airport after a rock star
Echo & The Bunnymen
Robbie Fowler
Dey love de Irish, most of der Grans were Irish!
Impossibly short skirts
Jan Molby
Anna Friel's lesbian kiss
Sense of community and solidarity
But Liverpool is rubbish because of....
Gerry and the Pacemakers
Brookside
Cilla Black
Atomic Kitten
Jimmy Tarbuck
John Lennon's Imagine
Excessive sentimentality, especially with regard to cross-river passenger ferries
Stan Boardman
Peter Reid
Pete Burns
Paul O'Grady
Brookside (apart from Anna Friel's lesbian kiss)
Accusing Manchester United of having glory-seeking, far-flung fans, despite half of the south-east supporting "Livverpoowl, innit?"
Football team owned by Yanks
Now, Manchester is great because of...
The Stone Roses
The Happy Mondays
Definitely Maybe
Jack Duckworth
Hilda Ogden
Urban regeneration
Man Citeh and 30,000 in the Third Division
The Wengerbus song
Joy Division
New Order
The Hacienda
The (original) Guardian
Shameless
The cat on the rooftop in the Corrie title sequence
Areas called things like Saddleworth and Ramsbottom
Steve Coogan on TV
However, Manchester is crap because of....
Inspiral Carpets - not so much the band, but the name. And the band too I suppose.
Prawn Sandwiches
Be Here Now
Ken Barlow
Janice Battersby
Cold Feet
The way people like Eamonn Holmes and Jimmy Nesbitt can be 'celebrity United fans'
Mick Hucknall
Did I say Mick Hucknall?
Mick Hucknall and Simply Red
Mick Hucknall's hair
Steve Coogan in films
The popularisation of the kagoule as fashion item
Thinking canals are tourist attractions
Football team owned by Yanks

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3 Comments:

Anonymous PaddyC said...

Steve Coogan was good in '24 Hour Party People'...

Another thing about Liverpool: they steal songs all the time. "Ring of Fire" doesn't belong to them, dammit!!

5:34 p.m.  
Blogger Tom the Tim said...

And they both wear red?? and get dodgy decisions against the Celtic (1966 and 2007)

7:48 p.m.  
Blogger Tommy77 said...

Quite right about Coogan in "24 hour..." The exception that proves the rule. Whatever that means.

7:47 a.m.  

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