Liverpool v Manchester - Old School Rules

Some dullards in sheepskin coats will have you think that it is a mere football match that will be played out at Anfield tomorrow lunchtime. Nonsense. It is, of course, a battle of cultures for the ages, like Rome and Carthage, Islam and Christendom, Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan.

Manchester and Liverpool stare each other out at either end of the M62, and, at least twice a year, send their respective major football teams into enemy territory to pillage and plunder.But although Manchester United hold the upper hand currently, there is little to separate the clubs football-wise, with Liverpool's greater history holding their end up against United's more contemporary dominance.

Which is better? To divide the two empires, I declare a pop-culture-off! You decide....

Liverpool is great because of....

The Beatles

Bread

The Grand National

Militant Dockers

The La's

Lisa Tarbuck

That weather island that used to be on Richard and Judy on ITV

John Peel

John Lennon's Working Class Hero

The Kop

Being dead witty

Being dead musical

Calling an airport after a rock star

Echo & The Bunnymen

Robbie Fowler

Dey love de Irish, most of der Grans were Irish!

Impossibly short skirts

Jan Molby

Anna Friel's lesbian kiss

Sense of community and solidarity

But Liverpool is rubbish because of....

Gerry and the Pacemakers

Brookside

Cilla Black

Atomic Kitten

Jimmy Tarbuck

John Lennon's Imagine

Excessive sentimentality, especially with regard to cross-river passenger ferries

Stan Boardman

Peter Reid

Pete Burns

Paul O'Grady

Brookside (apart from Anna Friel's lesbian kiss)

Accusing Manchester United of having glory-seeking, far-flung fans, despite half of the south-east supporting "Livverpoowl, innit?"

Football team owned by Yanks

Now, Manchester is great because of...

The Stone Roses

The Happy Mondays

Definitely Maybe

Jack Duckworth

Hilda Ogden

Urban regeneration

Man Citeh and 30,000 in the Third Division

The Wengerbus song

Joy Division

New Order

The Hacienda

The (original) Guardian

Shameless

The cat on the rooftop in the Corrie title sequence

Areas called things like Saddleworth and Ramsbottom

Steve Coogan on TV

However, Manchester is crap because of....

Inspiral Carpets - not so much the band, but the name. And the band too I suppose.

Prawn Sandwiches

Be Here Now

Ken Barlow

Janice Battersby

Cold Feet

The way people like Eamonn Holmes and Jimmy Nesbitt can be 'celebrity United fans'

Mick Hucknall

Did I say Mick Hucknall?

Mick Hucknall and Simply Red

Mick Hucknall's hair

Steve Coogan in films

The popularisation of the kagoule as fashion item

Thinking canals are tourist attractions

Football team owned by Yanks