Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Some Facts and Statistics on A Wet Tuesday

1.The England rugby pack is regarded as the beefiest in this year's Six Nations championship, weighing in at a girthy 900kg+. Pansies! One fully grown African bull elephant would trample them and their sweet chariot - they weigh between 6000-7000kg, and even a 2 1/2 year old baby elephant would maul Martin Corry and his waifs over the line; these little cuties hit the scales at just over 1000kg. That's more than fourteen Peter Stringers by the way.

2.Shaun Alexander of the Seattle Seahawks became the highest paid running back in NFL history, signing a $62m, 8-year deal. Alexander rushed for 1880 yards last season- slouch! The NFL season lasts five months, but a garden snail named Archie, owned by Carl Branhorn of Pott Row, England, covered a 13 inch course in 2 minutes at the 1995 World Snail Racing Championships, held in Longhan, England; at this rate it would take Archie only just over a week to "rush" as far as moneybags Alexander. Travesty!

3. If you've been getting peeved at the antics of lily-livered professional footballers and their diving, whinging and faking, the tale of Arrichion of Phigalia, a three-time ancient Olympic champion in the "ultimate" wrestling sport of Pankration ought to make your blood boil. Arrichion lost his life in the 54th Olympiad in 564 B.C., when his opponent caught him in a suffocating scissors hold. Arrichion managed however to win the bout when, as he drew his dying breath, his opponent yielded the contest unable to withstand the strangling grip which Arrichion had on his neck. Proper bloke!

4. A healthy crowd of about 6,000 turned up to Pairc Tailteann in Navan to see a resurgent Meath team dispense with Laois in Sunday's National League Division One clash. A paltry gathering, my friends. Just up the road in Tara, the original gaffer, Daniel O'Connell, drew 750,000 through the turnstiles in 1843 for one of his "Monster Meetings". It is thought unlikely that these meetings featured large off-road trucks being driven in mud for the enjoyment of beer-swilling rednecks.

5. Rock of Gibraltar, the Coolmore thoroughbred responsible for the breakdown of the friendship between Manchester United manager Alex Ferguson and the horse's erstwhile co-owners John Magnier and J.P. McManus, is thought likely to make as much as £150m in stud fees. Pacific Reproductive Services, a progressive sperm bank with offices in Pasadena and San Francisco, is currently looking for healthy men of all ethnicities to become paid sperm bank donors. PacRepro will compensate donors $60-$80 per "donation". Those interested would need to make 1,875,000 "donations" to earn as much as Rock of Gibraltar. Fergie's no fool.

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