Would you Adam and Eve It? It's the Cup Final!

Oi'm forever blaaaawing bubbles,
Pretty bubbles in the ai-ya,
They fly so hoigh,
Nearly reach the skoiy,
Then loike moiy dreams,
They fayyde and doi-ee.
Fawwtune's awways hoiding,
Oi've looked everywhere,
Oi'm forever blaahwing bubbles,
Pretty baaaabbles in the aaair.

Awright me ole chinas? 'Ere in the East End, we're awll off to Cardiff tomorrah, for the ole kitchen vinyl. Oh Oi do apologise: cockney rhyming slang, ain'it? Kitchen vinyl - Cup Foinal! See? Laaahvely!

Only fing is, 'snot a propa Cup Foinal is it? Oi mean, its not in blaahdy Laahhndon is it?! Blaaahdy Cardiff, wots that awll abaaaaht?!! Still, its awll abaaht the Cup tradition for the 'Appy 'Ammers; we go roight back with the Cup, back to 1923 an' the first game at dear ole Wembley, wiv the big white horse an awll that, remember?

Then we 'ad the glory days of the 60s: Bobby Moore, pickin' up the tin pot in 1964; then of couwrse the 'Ammers won the Wowld Caap single-'andedly in '66 - Bobby, Geoff 'Urst and Martin Peters. And remember Bobby, Gawd rest his soul, pickin' up the ole Jules Rimet (what woulda bin lost awltogethah if it weren't for Pickles, who wos a Cockney as well mind, we would all 'ave been Daffy Ducked then, eh?) from 'Er Majesty the Queen, Gawd bless 'er.

We laahve the royals daahn the East End, after the dear ole Queen Mum came daahn to visit us during the blitz. See she could look us in the oiye, cos 'er Mickey Mouse 'ad been bombed 'n all, although she could piss owff to blaahdy Windsor Castle while 'er horse's hoof was being fixed! We 'ad to live in the bloomin' Undergraahnd for five years! Gawdon Bennett!

'Orse's 'Oof? Roof, you blaaady idiot! What are you, a blaahdy Scousah?!!

Nah, Bobby Moore was the real royalty araahnd the East End; now 'e's braahn bread, Sir Trev is the main man. Scored the winnah in the Cup Foinal in 1980 did our Trev, proper 'Ammer he was too. Smart geezer, Sir Trev; can turn his hand to anyfing you know? Played for the 'Ammers and England, top pundit wiv the Beeb, big cheese at the F.A., managed the 'Ammers an' all - Christ 'e even 'as two blaahdy A-levels!!

We beat the Arsenal that day, in 1980. We wos underdogs that day 'n all, ev'ryone fought the Arse 'ad won the Cup awlready by beating the Scousahs in the semi. Bollocks, we were blaahwing bubbles for weeks afterwards I can tell ya! What a soide! Sir Trev of course, then you 'ad Billy Bonds, Phil Parkes, Alan Devonshire (what a blaahdy left peg 'e 'ad!), Ray Stewart, Frankie Lampaaahd - Senior, mind you, we don't mention his James Blunt of a son raahnd 'ere no more - proper legends...

Can we do it again? You better Adam and Eve it! Pardy 'as got us playin' the West Ham way again, and a great season was capped awff by puttin' the Yids aaht of the Champions League on the last day; awnly fing was the dirty sods got the trots all over the Upton Park dressing rooms didn't they?! Fnaarr-harr-harrrrr!!

So we're off now, we got the Fools an' 'Orses and Minder DVDs awll set up to play on the bus, but before that we're gonna 'ave a few Dame Ednas (Everage, beverage - keep up!) and a bit of a singsong araahnd the ole Joanna....altogether now.....

Roll out the barrel,
We'll have a barrel of fun,
Roll out the barrel,
We've got the blues on the run......