Premiership 2005-06: A Study in Verse

Now come all ye supporters of football cross-channel,
Who are thinking of losses and chances a-rueing,
There's no more Super Sunday and no more analyst's panel,
So it's time for us to be Premiership reviewing.

The season just gone held barely a surprise
The title: Chelsea's - of that they're delighted;
But with Jose's complaints and Drogba's lies,
The Blues are more hated than ever were United..

Whose tactic was strange, bizarre and insane,
No central midfielders - how totally looney!
Only for the presence of the boy called Wayne;
They'd never've come second without Mr.Rooney.

Liverpool were third, another season of progress,
The reverse of United they've a strong middle four,
With Gerrard's drive and Alonso's finesse,
But with Crouch and Cisse, they just couldn't score.

In North London we had the last day's only query,
Arsenal took fourth and Spurs couldn't foil it,
A fitting end as they leave dear Highbury,
The only consolation for Spurs: another trip to the toilet.

Next up were Blackburn, for a UEFA Cup place,
They beat off Newcastle, who are now Shearer-less,
Craig Bellamy's success was a slap in the face,
But at least they got rid of Graeme Souness.

A late season slump meant eighth place for Bolton,
Only one point ahead of Cup finalists West Ham,
The Hammers had flair, Wand'rers were revoltin',
So no England job for dear old Fat Sam.

The success of the season, no doubt, non-pareil,
Wigan Athletic were afraid of no-one,
No England shout for Paul Jewell?
One place ahead of Moyesie's Everton.

Whose flirtation with Europe is best left forgotten;
Fulham came next - for their fans it was hard,
Their away form was a joke, completely rotten,
But watch them next year: they've got Jimmy Bullard!

End of an era for Charlton and Curbs,
15 years -Alan, here, have a beer!
But fading is one of their favourite verbs,
They wish the season would end at New Year!

Strange season for Boro' - Europe saved face,
Though their league form was poor, at times even shitty,
McClaren for England despite 14th place,
Just two points ahead of Pearce and Man City.

We come to the dregs and David O'Leary,
His Villa received the supporters flack,
They way he speaks is often quite eerie;
In his future I predict only the sack.

The relegation mire, where nerves must be held,
Brum, Portsmouth and Albion avoiding the trap
'Twas Pompey this time whose worst fears were quelled,
Because of the magic of old Harry Redknapp!

Which brings us to last place, poor Sunderland
My how they struggled, toiled for a win!
Relegation was certain, but the future's in hand,
Over the horizon, here comes Niall Quinn.

That's it for now, until August no league,
Seem's way too long, my patience is up!
Thank God for one thing, to ease my fatigue,
Only four weeks until the World Cup!