A TSA Ode to 2006

As TSA emerges blinking from its winter hibernation into the hopeful dawn of a shiny new year, it perches on a frost-coated branch, picks up its banjo and begins to pluck a plaintive air......

Come gather ye round, all sports fans and punters,
All you loyal die-hards and all glory-hunters,
A time for new heroes and victories to cheer
Its the dawn of a brand new sporting year!

Now 2005 was a vintage obscene
If you followed the fortunes of men dressed in green.
Be it soccer or rugby or international rules,
The men from dear Eire: invariably the fools!

Last year dashed all our great hopes,
Be they Grand Slams or World Cups, we were on the ropes,
And that old Boundary Commission served to conspire,
That an Irish team wouldn't even win Sam Maguire!

Consolation was found in matters equine,
In Cheltenham the Irish were first to the line,
Our steeds swept the boards, but did not compensate,
For the sad, sad loss of everyone's Best Mate.

This story so far has been largely of woe,
But not for the Red hordes, who to Turkey did go,
A game of two halves, you'd fall off your stool,
At the miraculous night in Old Istanbul.

But enough of old memories and last year's grim tales
2005 into history now pales,
This new year will pose questions and mysteries,
Aside from the fact that the Premiership's Chelsea's.

Will the callow Stan prove a successful gamble?
Will he stay awake if Sir Bobby starts to ramble?
Will the dream team get us into football's top echelon,
Despite our reliance on Clinton Morrison?

Will Ireland play rugby with elan and flair?
Or will Eddie O'Sullivan go the way of Brian Kerr?
Forced by the blazers to walk the plank,
Better hope that the Scots and Italians are rank...

September will fall and the fatcats will purr,
And sup free champagne from the Cup called Ryder,
Corporate Ireland will be contented and boozy,
If there's success 'gainst the Yanks for the team led by Woosie.

Now down in the Kingdom the wounds are being licked,
For they reckon last year their birthright was nicked,
By those men from Tyrone, brawny and bold,
They could do it again, though Canavan's now too old.

As the winter wind whistles and nights are still dark,
Seems such a long way from summer in Croke Park,
Where the hurlers of Ireland do all their best work,
Once again none better than Kilkenny and Cork.

But one prospect more than any gees us up,
Germany in June and the good ole World Cup,
No matter there's no Irish success we can toast,
Sure we've nearly the same flag as the Ivory Coast.

For sure the English believe its all fixed,
Just like Hastings and Wembley the year ends in six!
But we all know the truth, how mournful and sad,
The best they can hope for is a Pizza Hut ad.

Whether you kick for goal or wield a putter,
If you cheer on for fun or fancy a flutter,
May 2006 bring the success that you chase,
Now - can you get an each way bet on the Boat Race?