New Misery for Lansdowne Residents

The latest update from the Lansdowne Road Stadium Development Company on Monday last attempted to lay to rest the grave concerns of vigilant residents about the most recent sinister threat to their very existence.

1. Poplar Trees: There were a number of phone calls during the week in relation to airborne white fluffy material which was being blown into people’s gardens. A number of people asked whether this might be in any way related to asbestos or polyurethane. This is definitely not the case. What is being blown are in fact seeds from the poplar tree. They are blowing in off the Dodder Walk.

What new hell are these poor wretches being asked to endure?! A blitzkrieg of "white fluffy material" - the inhumanity!

It is often claimed the Nazis discounted the use of white fluffy material as part of the Final Solution, due it being "a bit much, even for us". Now the gentle, peace-loving souls of the Lansdowne Road area must face the ravages of this pestilence.

Seeds, indeed. Seeds of Doom more like!